Thinking about life and death courtesy of Michael Jackson

Everywhere I have looked over the past week or so I have seen information about Michael Jackson…his death, his life, the accusations…

My man was a musical genius, no doubt about it (I am going with “Billie Jean” as my favorite)

And no one, NO ONE danced like MJ (2 words: moon walk)

With all of the sales, and all of the awards, and all of the genius that he undeniable possessed, there is still the issue of 27 million dollars in pay outs for allegedly acting unacceptably and inappropriately with children.  

The end of the story is that I hope MJ had made Jesus King of his life before he drew his last breathe, but as for his life, he has me thinking:

Would I rather be known for my craft, or my character?

What skill, talent, or gift will people have to point to in an attempt to justify a lack of or question of my character?

Would I be OK with never being known for a teaching I gave, a book I wrote, or an investment I made…but being known as a man of integrity?

Even further, would I be OK with being known as a minimally talented man of high character?

Proverbs 22:1-A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches…

Charles Colson’s Integrity Accountability

As the first member of the Nixon administration to be incarcerated for Watergate-related charges, Chuck Colson learned the need for accountability the hard way. Now, as the founder and chairman of the board of Prison Fellowship ministries, he meets regularly with a small group of men. At their meetings, they ask each other the following seven questions:

 

1. Have you been with a woman anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising?
2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material?
4. Have you spent adequate time in Bible study and prayer?

5. Have you given priority time to your family?
6. Have you fulfilled the mandates of your calling?
7. Have you just lied to me?

 

Theology Pub (Love this Idea)

Check out this idea and pics from Joe Thorn (pastor of Redeemer Fellowship in the western burbs of Chicago)

His church recently began the idea of hosting spiritual conversations in a local Irish pub…of the attending group, 40% are outsiders (not connected to Redeemer/not Christ followers)

What I Have Learned Doing Pre-Marital Counseling

Being a pastor has given me the opportunity to spend time with couples at important times in their relationships…

Many times, post wedding, the time I spend with them is during a difficulty or tragedy, but there are occasions when I get to spend time with a couple that is engaged to be married, doing their counseling, and sometimes, having the honor of marrying them

As with anything we do in repetition, patterns emerge, and in counseling I have noticed three: one discouraging and convicting, the other two very encouraging and hopeful

1.  Christian couples are the most difficult to counsel.

For more reasons than the length of this post permits, Christians tend to be defensive.  Sometimes it is guilt and shame.  Sometimes it is an expectation they think you hold.  Sometimes it is an expectation they hold.

Christians tend to struggle admitting areas they struggle, and will at times lie to hide things they feel like shed a negative light on them or their relationship.  It is frustrating for them and me, and feels like playing chess.   There are times when at a stale mate you have to allow them their path, knowing it contradicts God’s plan and will result is pain.

This is not to say I haven’t spent time with amazing couples. I am counseling a young couple right now…they are great, and are going to be a fabulous married couple that God uses.  In my experience, the tendency exists with any Christian couple…some just fight is better, or have less they cover, have less expectation, or haven’t been in the church long enough to know better.

2.  Couples who are not Christ followers are easier, more honest, and less defensive.

Because they either reject or do not know the standard of the Bible (or the church) those apart from Christ are remarkably honest.  They tell you their wounds, experiences, failures, thoughts.  Because you are a pastor they feel safe with you, and shoot incredibly straight.  They are generally open to new ideas or even conflicting worldviews.  Not knowing that they “should” feel bad, they don’t, even if they voice displeasure with their actions or belief.

I know there is debate about pastors marrying people apart from Christ…I simply do not understand what the question is.  People are willing to spend time with you, be honest about times of influence in their lives, and invite you to speak into their lives while being a part of one of the most significant days of their lives.

Truth is, I would rather spend the time with this kind of couple

Truth is, I am troubled that there are so few of these type of couples in the church

Truth is, I am not sure I am this type of couple

3.  Couples who are not Christ followers believe the Bible without knowing it.

I have been able to spend time with “mature couples” and young couples that are a apart from Christ, and I have found two things

-The Bible makes sense to them, and betters their marriage when they follow it.  Often times, not even knowing the what the Bible says, its truths resonate with them when its principles are presented to them

-Couples who have had time and experience (good or bad) sound very Biblical when they talk about how marriage should be.  I was able to spend time with a woman who had been married a few times, and was entering into another marriage.  As she talked about what she would like her next marriage to be I could not believe how much her thoughts were right out of God’s word.

The whole experience makes me love God’s word…

God, in creating marriage, knows the very best way to be married, to be a husband, and to be a wife.  God knows how to make our marriages healthy, happy, and expressions of His goodness and grace.  The Bible talks in great detail about how this can occur.  Anyone who hears His thoughts knows this, and anyone who has followed His ways has experienced this.

Ted Haggard at Elevation Church

About a 40 minute interview by Steven Furtick with Ted Haggard

What do you think?

Has been fascinating to watch the church respond/not respond to this tragedy.

A mainline, well known, evangelical pastor commits sexual sin, and not just sexual sin, but gay sexual sin.

How do you think we have done?

Leadership Isn’t Decision Making

it is direction setting

EVERYONE makes decisions…not everyone leads

it is an important distinction because…

1.  People think because they can make decisions they are leaders, and as such, should be followed

This can happen in marriages, in churches, in business…

let’s just use the example of marriage:

Some men think that as the leader of their homes it means they are supposed to make all the decisions, and their wife is supposed to follow them.

Given the right circumstance, the wife will admit that she doesn’t feel like the man is leading.

Dumbfounded, the man will explain all of the decisions he has made

If he is prone to being defensive, (prideful) he will blame the wife, saying she is not following his decisions, and claiming that if she would support his decisions things would be fine.

2.  It is possible to make decisions, and be going no where

In our marriage example, the reason the wife doesn’t feel like her husband is leading is because all of the decision have not produced anything

There is no vision, no direction

she feels the lack of progress and direction… and rightly explains it as him not leading

because he equates leadership with decisions, and not direction, he can’t hear her

Sometimes we make the passive decisions

Ones that don’t matter….don’t count…don’t create…and think we are leading

Leaders discern the decisions that create, and wisely make them

*In your marriage, what is your vision, and what decisions are you making to set a course…plow new territory…bring that vision to pass?

*In your family…

*At your church…

*In your business…

Reasons We Don’t Employ Direction Setting Leadership

Again, leading being the setting of direction, not the making of decisions…

1.  You don’t know how

I think most men have not had a biblical modeling of leadership in their life.  They missed it from dad…they missed it from the church…and so have the dudes they run with…creating a vacuum.  Rarely seeing what direction setting leadership looks like, they resign themselves to passivity or chauvinism.  Thinking that being a leader means they have to decide, and they have to be right, they are frustrated when people debate their decisions, and do not understand why more people do not follow them.

At the same time, I think most men feel the tension of their lack of leadership

Rather than working, finding a mentor, reading, praying, they stay in their ignorance

If you don’t know how, find someone who does, and follow them so you can lead others

2.  You are lazy

Ignorance is bliss.  As dudes, we are fine with our lack of leadership because it is easier than the alternative.

Vision takes work

Direction takes work

Plowing new territory takes work

HARD work

For some it is not that we don’t know how, or that we don’t see the need…

it is that we are lazy, selfish, immature bums

I think most men have this tendency in them…especially these days, when adolescence extends into the late twenties.

These dudes need to get a grip and grow up

For those who can see areas in your life like this, we need to repent, work, be growing, and be busy

3.  You misprioritize

Some of us have it in the tank.  We are go-getters.  We have vision.  We get things done.  We just get things done on the wrong fronts.

But we generally we pursue selfish fronts…fronts that fulfill us…make us look good…or bring us enjoyment

Our priority list:

1.  You are a Christ follower

2.  You are a husband

3.  You are a father

4.  You are a boss or employee

I would say that you need to be all of these within community (church), but another post, another time

What is your vision in these areas?

Where will these relationships be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?

No one cares how far you got in the video game, on the golf course, or with your stocks

Frankly, no one cares how much money you made (if you were horrible to work for or with)

Evaluate and prioritize your energy and vision how God says He intended

It doesn’t mean you can’t play golf, have friends, or chill out.  It does mean that we are not free to do these things at the expense of our priorities

4.  You don’t know yourself

In marriage this does not apply.  Men are to initiate.  Men set direction.  That direction may be passive by default, but it is direction non the less.  Your family will respond to you.

However some are simply not supposed to be leading.  They don’t have a vision.  They don’t get it, and they don’t have it.

You are supposed to be a second or third chair guy.  A supporter.  A follower.  An encourager

Why do we think this makes us less than?

What does make you less, is forcing what you aren’t on someone else

People see who you truly are

Be honest with who you are

Be thankful about who you are…God created you that way

Be growing in who you are

If you aren’t a direction setter, find a direction (and a direction setter) you can follow, and get after it

I don’t know about Britain, but she has talent

Town Hall for Hope

The Bridge is hosting Dave Ramsey’s Town Hall for Hope

When: Thursday, April 23rd at 8 PM

Where: Stetson Sqaure

3010 Eden Ave Cincinnati, OH 45219

http://www.townhallforhope.com/

I Believe…(Planting and Replanting Churches)

Church planting is sexy in church world right now…

many of the planters are young men, full of passion, full of ideas and innovation, and a little bit a piss and vinegar for good measure.

It is a good thing…we need more of it…

in fact, we need a lot more of it…

In 1900 there was church in America for every 430 citizens

In 1906 1/3 of all churches were under twenty five years old (most productive years of a church)

By 1916 53% of the US population were “religious adherents”

After WW1 church planting plummeted…older churches did not want new churches in “our neighborhood”…

Experts now suggest single digit involvement and institutional church extinction by 2050

I have two contentions with church planting/planters

1.  We do not need one more church in the affluent suburbs!

Stop it…seriously.   Stop it until the all the communities in your area have at least one church. How is it that “God calls” such an enormous number of planters to rich white areas, and calls no one to the diverse, poor areas of town?  How is it that “God calls” yet another planter to an area that already has ten churches who believe and act like the church the planter has envisioned, but does not call anyone to areas where there is no church?

It just might be that He doesn’t.   The church has largely left the urban centers of our country to their own devices.  Thankfully there is a number of planter who are going back into the city, but not enough.

We have an area in Cincinnati that is growing, white, rich…

and I hear planter after planter after planter who feel like they would like to start a church there.

at the very same time, the same areas show up on the news every night…the same areas are complained about, avoided, and left alone.  Are you telling me not one of those people is called to plant in an area that is outside what they already know, have experienced, and are used to?

Obviously not every suburban church planter is out of God’s will…Obviously I am a fan of suburban churches, and church plants…but think about it, why would God call the church away from city center, densely populated, filled with diversity, that are historically hubs of influence?  I think teh answer is, He doesn’t

2.  Stop planting churches to be the opposite of the church you grew up in, or were on staff at, or hate

God calls you to something, not to be the opposite of something.  In the end, your vision is not yours, it is just the opposite of what you don’t like.  In the end your vision is not spiritual, but emotional or fleshly.  In the end, you will end up the same as what you didn’t want to be, because what you hated what a result of heart, not style or method, and yours is as flawed as what you came from.

We need more church plants…and many more church re-plants

The Bridge is a church re-plant…it was re-named, re-located, and re-launched (out of the burbs and into the city)

Re-planting is not church planting…any replant that tries to act like a church plant won’t make it

I get why people would rather start over…re-plants are hard…messy…complicated…stressful…and bloody

Here is our alternative: 80% of church are plateaued or declining

8 out of 10 churches you walk into

80% of churches in view of the on looking world are not healthy, growing, re-producing, or making disciples

this isn’t ok

if this were an economy…capitalism would prevail and churches would be allowed to fail, making room for new church plants…but 80%?

we are looking at a collapse

let alone the failure rate of church plants

Could it be that some of those young men…full of ideas, and passion, need to take their strength and put it toward the less sexy work of rebuilding was it broken for the sake of the universal health of the church (or at least the health of the western church)

Have we put the cart before the horse…planting churches disconnected from another local, healthy, body?  Wouldn’t it be better if we took the time to make sick churches healthy, make inward churches outward, make infertile churches reproducing, and then call those churches to plant churches?

I would be interested to see what would happen to the success rate in church planting

In some ways our method of church planting is unnatural.  Something is birthed from thin air.  Without a church mama who nurtured and supported and protected it in its infant stages.

It may be that our failure rate is directly connected to our lack of effort to in replanting unhealthy churches that would under gird the new churches that are being planted

Either way, something has to change